Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
