dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
