TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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