Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Buhtt sex?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
