I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
