So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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