Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
