im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize