I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
