did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
