How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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