I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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