My sheets look like a crime scene.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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