just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
