We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
