I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
