Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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