My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I sprained my soul last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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