no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
