11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When are your genitals available?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
