I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
