dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
