I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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