i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
