never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
