I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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