census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
