I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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