no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
