Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
