Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
