the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
