Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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