I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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