Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
