I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
