Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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