i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
