So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
