in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
