My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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