'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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