Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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