we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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