i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize