Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
