...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
