Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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