We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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