i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
