I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
sarcasm needs its own font
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
