are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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