the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
