Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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