everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
