yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
