this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
