my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
