I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
