Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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