Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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