My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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