oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize