Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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