he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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