You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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