Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
im on a boat
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