Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
