We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
