all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
