I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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