I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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