so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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