We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize
