no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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