end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
