Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
