oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
