I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
