He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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