So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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