Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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