her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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