I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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