Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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