yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
