He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
