my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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