I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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