it hurts more in the daytime
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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