i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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