I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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